


The Ramblings of the Nearly Deceased

by Forever_And_Always_Dreaming



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming/pseuds/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming
Summary: Mr.Loverman plays as Ash reminisces in the library.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	The Ramblings of the Nearly Deceased

[I'm headed straight for the floor  
The alcohol served its tour]

I didn’t feel the knife run through me. I didn’t even know what happened. I was only thinking about you.  
About how I would meet you in the airport, and spin you around, and tell you how much you meant to me. That I would stay by your side, because you wanted me to. And that’s all that mattered.

[And it's headed straight for my skin  
Leaving me daft and dim]

I shot him on reflex, but I was more worried about your letters. I dropped them, and it was so hard to pick them back up again.  
I didn’t realize why at first. But then I saw it. The gaping wound in my stomach.  
And even then, as fear trickled into my veins, I wanted to keep running. I wanted to run to you. But I knew this could be a sign.  
“Maybe for once”, I thought, “I’ll stay here and you’ll run to me. Then we’ll know if it was ever meant to be or if you were simply the last bits of the lord’s mercy before I’d fall to hell.”

[I've got this shake in my legs  
Shaking the thoughts from my head]

So I picked up the letters and I kept running. I didn’t know where, I just knew I had to find a place where you would be able to find me.  
Where did you find me before? The library, of course.  
Alright, I could do that. It wasn’t too far.  
One step, two steps. Push open the door, don’t make a scene. I stumbled to our table and started reading your letters.  
That’s all that matters now.

[But who put these waves in the door?  
I crack and out I pour  
I'm Mr. Loverman]

_You told me once about a leopard you read in a book. How you believed that leopard knew that it couldn’t go back._

I remember telling you that like it was yesterday. And now I know that the leopard knew. He had to have, because I know it too.  
I climbed too far, and now I’ve stopped to rest. He didn’t get saved, and I won’t either.  
It’s time.

[And I miss my lover, man  
I'm Mr. Loverman  
Oh and I miss my lover]

_And I said you weren’t a leopard, that you could change your destiny._

If you saw me now, would you say the same? Would you tell me I could change my destiny as I lay in my own blood?  
You would know.  
You would see the resemblance between the leopard and I. My freckles would be his spots. My pupils would be his pupils. We would be the same.  
You might not even recognize me. But you would know that there was no turning back for him, and now theres no turning back for me.  
It’s too late.

[The ways in which you talk to me  
Have me wishin' I were gone]

_You’re not alone. I’m by your side. My soul is always with you._

I don’t think it is. If your soul was with mine, you would have a feeling of dread. You’d come back here to see me. And I don’t want to be selfish but I wish you had meant it.  
Not so that you could save me. No, I don’t need to live through this. I just need to see you again. One last time.  
Then you could go away, to Japan and forget me. And it wouldn’t matter, because I would have died seeing you again.  
That’s all I want. All I ever wanted. Is that too much to ask for?

[The ways that you say my name  
Have me runnin' on and on]

I remember the first time I told you my real name. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I never liked it before, it was given to me by someone who didn’t care enough to stay. But when you spoke it I knew I’d never hear a more beautiful sound.  
And you changed it for me, you gave it new meaning. You gave me new meaning.  
I wish I could hear you say it again, for old times sake.

[Oh, I'm cramping up  
I'm cramping up]

Everything is getting blurry. The colours, the lights, everything is a kind of green and purple. But I can’t really feel much of anything. It’s like a switch turned off and now all I can think about is you.  
Is this what it feels like to die?

[But you're cracking up  
You're cracking up]

Even in the worse times, you would be there. You’d make me smile, or laugh. You’d hold me as I cry and listen to everything I had to say. Or we would just sit in silence and that would be enough. Because you would be there.  
And the pain wouldn’t be so painful with you around.

[I'm Mr. Loverman  
And I miss my lover, man  
I'm Mr. Loverman  
Oh and I miss my lover]

“I can’t do this. I have this horrible feeling in my gut. I need to see Ash again. Please. Even if it’s just to say goodbye, I have to see him.” Ibe smiles, as if he knew this was how it was going to be.  
“Then we’ll go to him. Come on, where do you think he’ll be?”  
“New York public library.”

[I've shattered now I'm spilling out  
Upon this linoleum ground  
(Mr. Loverman)]

Maybe if I close my eyes, I’ll remember your smile better. And I’ll hear your laugh. And I’ll know it’s going to be okay, because you’re here.  
And that’s all I need.

[I'm reeling in my brain again  
Before it can get back to you  
(Mr. Loverman)  
Oh what am I supposed to do without you?]

“911, what’s your emergency?”  
“If you want Ash Lynx, you can come and get him. But bring an ambulance to the New York Public Library.”  
“Sir I—“  
Click. He hung up.  
“Do you even know if that’s true?” Ibe asked.  
“I‘ve learned to trust my gut. He taught me that.”

[I'm Mr. Loverman  
And I miss my lover, man  
(I miss my lover)]

I think I hear sirens in the distance, coming closer. Maybe they’re coming for me to take me farther away from you. Or maybe they’re coming for someone else. They don’t sound like the police though, they sound like an ambulance.

[I'm Mr. Loverman (oh-oh)  
Oh and I miss my lover  
(Mr. Loverman)]

“Ash. Ash! Aslan!” The sound of wheels, a racing heart that isn’t my own, whose calling for me so desperately? I can’t tell, it’s too dark, too bright, I can’t focus.  
I’m so tired.

[I'm Mr. Loverman (Oh-oh)  
And I miss my lover, man  
I'm Mr. Loverman  
And I miss my lover]

“Ash! Open your eyes, please, come on. You promised, you said you’d stay with me, please.” And I don’t want to, the darkness is so inviting. It’s wonderful, this void, this peace.  
But I recognize this voice from somewhere. I’m not sure where now but it sounds so desperate and sad. It echoes within me, the pain of it.  
Something is telling me this voice is important, that I have to listen to it. So I open my eyes and green meets brown.  
And all at once, my world slides back into place.  
  



End file.
